Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize