There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
now i know why i became what i already was.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
