i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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