Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
