I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
