theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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