We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
