She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
