I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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