Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The air taste purple.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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