I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
