Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
