My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
