i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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