The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
