you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
