im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
