if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
