Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
