i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
