The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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