I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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