He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
