I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
