Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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