when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
