yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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