everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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