i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
