Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
