Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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