the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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