Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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