The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
