I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
