I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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