My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize