I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
