Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
