well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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