Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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