Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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