Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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