I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
