So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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