i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
