Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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