Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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