My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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