the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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