it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
