hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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