After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
