Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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