how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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