U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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