clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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