I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
