I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
