you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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