I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
