i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
vagina is talking i cant
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
