yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
