just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
