he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
