I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
