I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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