Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
did i just pee glitter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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