Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
