I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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