remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
